I am always amazed at how much my children teach me. I had always assumed that in this dance of parenting, I would be the one doing the instructing. The more I dance, the more I discover the lessons are often being taught the other way around. My only prayer is that I am not messing these precious babies up, too much.
A month ago our oldest had an appendicitis. It was scary and it was his first hospital stay, which was strange for him as he is usually very healthy. I sat back many many times and marveled at his unwavering faith in the Mighty God. Dramatic? Possibly, but the whole experience moved me to a deeper love for Jesus. He experienced pain and even though he questioned "Why me?" is focus on Christ never wavered. He held his gaze steadfast on him. I want to be just like him when I grow up.
When we were home and I was helping him get back to the sofa after his shower, he stopped while he was still hunched over knowing that his next jolt on to the sofa was certainly going to be painful. He stopped and looked right in my eyes. I could see his eyes brimming with tears wanting the pain from abdominal surgery to subside, sooner rather than later. He spoke words that I think of every day. He said, "Mom, I just need to have faith. I need to trust that God will heal me from this."
And my heart burdened with his pain experienced such a range of emotions in that moment that I am not sure how to describe it. How often to take my focus off Christ when the going gets tough? The pain (emotional and/or physical) is too much to bear? How often do I try to do it my way? Without crying out to the Lord? My 8 year old taught me so much about focus that night. He taught me about faith and trust.
Last week I sliced my finger while cutting bagels for lunch. It hurt. And in the moment of the pain and hopping around the kitchen, I slid down the cabinets until I set on the floor. Holding my throbbing finger and I cried out to God. Not because it was my first reaction, but because it was his first reaction. And you know what? I handled the pain, got my finger to stop bleeding, and was able to continue on with the day (until Sam got home and we ventured out to get stitches!)
How often do I lose my focus during the day? Even during the small little menial tasks? How often do I look around rather than up when I feel like my life is spinning, heading for out of control, and I just want to get grip?
Yes, Momma's we do have a huge responsibility teaching these precious babies. But do not forget, that we can still be the student. I praise God that He uses my children to teach me.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Monday, October 7, 2013
Homeschooling and Friends, for Mom!
I've had my fair of homeschooling comments that have made me step back. I am becoming increasingly more aware how our choice to home school our children has changed relationships, both for our children and for us. I have felt the strain on friendships that have left my heart hurt. It's no ones fault, it is just life.
And I miss those relationships. I tried to keep both lives in a happy medium. You know, the homeschool mom mixed with the one that hangs out with friends. Sigh. It didn't work. I'm afraid I'm viewed as weird because I make a choice to spend all day every day with my kids. And it appears because of this choice, I have some awesome super power complete an abundance of patience. Do not be afraid, because I lack patience. All the time. Every day. It is hard. Homeschooling is hard. Lack of friendships is hard. Patience is hard to come by. Spending every day correcting behaviors that come from our natural sinful behavior is hard.
I long for fun lunch breaks with friends. Where I can sit and just chat about life without worrying about multiplication with carrying or drilling spelling words...or worse, chasing down that climbing toddler for the 849 time.
So, I am sorry, Friend. For our lacking friendship. For that akwardness that comes when I can't do things during the day because at that moment I am a teacher. For that weirdness that comes just because I don't put my kids on a bus.
I feel the weight heavy on my shoulders of my children's education. This gives me different struggles and I try to find a new way to teach an area where my child is struggling. I don't need to hear, "Are you ready to put them in school yet?" Or, "Maybe it is time that they go to school?" I need support to keep going. I know this journey is hard, but I know that God has called our family to this journey so when I receive comments that are so not supportive of our choice then I back away. Because rather than telling me to send my kids off, I may just need a hug or some words of encouragement.
I have learned much about friendships in recent months. It both saddens me and yet I am extremely grateful for friends that stand by me.
And I miss those relationships. I tried to keep both lives in a happy medium. You know, the homeschool mom mixed with the one that hangs out with friends. Sigh. It didn't work. I'm afraid I'm viewed as weird because I make a choice to spend all day every day with my kids. And it appears because of this choice, I have some awesome super power complete an abundance of patience. Do not be afraid, because I lack patience. All the time. Every day. It is hard. Homeschooling is hard. Lack of friendships is hard. Patience is hard to come by. Spending every day correcting behaviors that come from our natural sinful behavior is hard.
I long for fun lunch breaks with friends. Where I can sit and just chat about life without worrying about multiplication with carrying or drilling spelling words...or worse, chasing down that climbing toddler for the 849 time.
So, I am sorry, Friend. For our lacking friendship. For that akwardness that comes when I can't do things during the day because at that moment I am a teacher. For that weirdness that comes just because I don't put my kids on a bus.
I feel the weight heavy on my shoulders of my children's education. This gives me different struggles and I try to find a new way to teach an area where my child is struggling. I don't need to hear, "Are you ready to put them in school yet?" Or, "Maybe it is time that they go to school?" I need support to keep going. I know this journey is hard, but I know that God has called our family to this journey so when I receive comments that are so not supportive of our choice then I back away. Because rather than telling me to send my kids off, I may just need a hug or some words of encouragement.
I have learned much about friendships in recent months. It both saddens me and yet I am extremely grateful for friends that stand by me.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
A New Year; A Fresh Outlook
I have totally transformed my thinking about homeschooling this year. And can I tell you, that I have had such a peace about it!!
Last year I focused so much on academics. Actually, I focused all on academics. I felt like I missed it. I missed their hearts, I missed focusing them on the Jesus as Lord of their lives. And wow, did the year show that!
Granted, the last few school days have been a little hairy. Things have been a little wild, but really are there not times in the normal school schedule that aren't a little hairy at times? Before Sammy left for work he noticed that he had bus drills today (have I mentioned that my husband teaches in the public school AND we home school, gasp!!). So it is not like us homeschooling Moms are the only ones who experience periods of wildness in our day. So the last few days have been just that for us. I have one child who can just fly through anything and another one who struggles when anything is out of the ordinary. I try so hard to keep everything in control, but alas... as you know...we homeschooling mom's are in control of very little! (Praise God!!)
Ok, to our school year thus far. It has been great. Of course, as every momma would, I worry about my precious kiddos being on target with everything. I know they lag behind what the dumb Common Core Standards imply where they should be. But that is ok. Right? Tell me that is ok. I am focusing on so much more through out our day than just the blasted standards. Have I mentioned that I have to work hard to keep the baby from sabotaging our schooling efforts?
Our days have gone awesome. Maybe it is just the first of the year and I feel totally refreshed without my husband spending hours at school or grading or doing whatever school teachers do (you know after having their whole summer off. Oh how many times have I heard this and cringed mid January when I want to cry because we never see our beloved fearless leader of our home!) More so than memorizing multiplication facts and all sorts of math facts, my children are filling their precious minds with the lovely truths that come from above...Scripture! Yes yes, no worries...we are memorizing those math facts....they are agonizing. But I love hearing my kiddos spew off Stricture!
At the end of last year, I really thought homeschooling wasn't for us. (I have a post being written for you about it later...) I KNEW it was what God called our family to do but I just don't love it. I'm sorry, I don't. And God had called me out on this too, no worries. I know I need to home school joyfully...but it is hard! I know I need to bring honor and glory to the Lord in ALL I do, and this means homeschooling. I have been working very hard to transform my thinking this year to home school with a joyful heart and to do it in a way that would honor the Lord. I truly believe that this is why our days have been going much better. I am so thankful that God's mercies are new every morning!
Last year I focused so much on academics. Actually, I focused all on academics. I felt like I missed it. I missed their hearts, I missed focusing them on the Jesus as Lord of their lives. And wow, did the year show that!
Granted, the last few school days have been a little hairy. Things have been a little wild, but really are there not times in the normal school schedule that aren't a little hairy at times? Before Sammy left for work he noticed that he had bus drills today (have I mentioned that my husband teaches in the public school AND we home school, gasp!!). So it is not like us homeschooling Moms are the only ones who experience periods of wildness in our day. So the last few days have been just that for us. I have one child who can just fly through anything and another one who struggles when anything is out of the ordinary. I try so hard to keep everything in control, but alas... as you know...we homeschooling mom's are in control of very little! (Praise God!!)
Ok, to our school year thus far. It has been great. Of course, as every momma would, I worry about my precious kiddos being on target with everything. I know they lag behind what the dumb Common Core Standards imply where they should be. But that is ok. Right? Tell me that is ok. I am focusing on so much more through out our day than just the blasted standards. Have I mentioned that I have to work hard to keep the baby from sabotaging our schooling efforts?
Our days have gone awesome. Maybe it is just the first of the year and I feel totally refreshed without my husband spending hours at school or grading or doing whatever school teachers do (you know after having their whole summer off. Oh how many times have I heard this and cringed mid January when I want to cry because we never see our beloved fearless leader of our home!) More so than memorizing multiplication facts and all sorts of math facts, my children are filling their precious minds with the lovely truths that come from above...Scripture! Yes yes, no worries...we are memorizing those math facts....they are agonizing. But I love hearing my kiddos spew off Stricture!
At the end of last year, I really thought homeschooling wasn't for us. (I have a post being written for you about it later...) I KNEW it was what God called our family to do but I just don't love it. I'm sorry, I don't. And God had called me out on this too, no worries. I know I need to home school joyfully...but it is hard! I know I need to bring honor and glory to the Lord in ALL I do, and this means homeschooling. I have been working very hard to transform my thinking this year to home school with a joyful heart and to do it in a way that would honor the Lord. I truly believe that this is why our days have been going much better. I am so thankful that God's mercies are new every morning!
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help
you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Friday, September 6, 2013
A little fitness/weight update!
So I haven't stepped on the scale since then. I have no idea what I weigh. I know I feel good. I know my clothes still fit me well.
Oh, how I have wanted to step on the scale. Just to see how I am doing, but I will not find my happiness in a number. I will not find my self worth in a number.
I am making changes to our families diet so I am doing a lot more label reading at the grocery store. I am so saddened by the amount of junk in our foods.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Looking Forward... A Year Ahead!
I am very excited about the changes we have made in our homeschooling days! Yes, I am eager for the year to start. We start on Monday! Can you believe the summer is almost over?? It has been such a crazy one for us. I will welcome routine back and at the same time mourn the end of our carefree days with Daddy home everyday.
I have been waking up early every morning for the last two weeks preparing for early morning days that are coming! I have committed to working out before the start of each day. Some mornings my lovely bunch awakens in the middle of the my work out and I have an audience...which is awkward and I don't enjoy it but I don't let it stop me. I toss them a few 1lb dumbbells and tell them to get to work too! Yes, I am that mother! After my work out I brew an awesome cup of French Vanilla coffee in my Keurig while I turn on PBS for the "baby", who really isn't much of a baby anymore. Then I sit down for "Quiet Time" which is difficult. I have a hard time stopping my mind from running everywhere. I find that I am super focused after a work out so this year I am going to give myself an extra 30 minutes in the morning post work out to spend with the Lord. I have been reading in Haggai and Zachariah. So encouraging. I am just loving how God's character is revealed in the Old Testament. His unconditional love that He continues to pour out on His people. I hope to keep this going, even in the winter when it is still pitch black at 7am and I should've been up at least 90 minutes ago!
We are keeping all of our curriculum choices the same. I know, I know.... I said someone punch if me if I choose to do this. Well I did! BUT let me finish! I have a good reason. We decided to enroll the older three in Friday School designed especially for home schoolers. This will bring us to a 4 day per week home school day in our home, then the kiddos will go to their school for Art, PE, and Music. We are very excited to add this!
Last year I ran our day like a crazy woman shoving academics endlessly down the throats of my poor children. They were sad. I was sad, and crazy... very crazy. About 1/2 through the year I gave up on family devotions all together. I know, crazy. Sad. I started the day focused on getting through the three R's. The only mention of God was in our Christian curriculum. Again, sad. It is only by God's grace that my kids are ok. So this year? My #1 goal? Keep my kids (ahem, and MYSELF) focused on HIM. Start each day focused on HIM. Help my kids to fall more in love with Jesus, especially my boys who have both made professions of faith. I don't know how my focus got so off last year, but I am not going to let it get so off this year!
So our goals for this year are simple! Focus on God! Really, that is all.
I have been waking up early every morning for the last two weeks preparing for early morning days that are coming! I have committed to working out before the start of each day. Some mornings my lovely bunch awakens in the middle of the my work out and I have an audience...which is awkward and I don't enjoy it but I don't let it stop me. I toss them a few 1lb dumbbells and tell them to get to work too! Yes, I am that mother! After my work out I brew an awesome cup of French Vanilla coffee in my Keurig while I turn on PBS for the "baby", who really isn't much of a baby anymore. Then I sit down for "Quiet Time" which is difficult. I have a hard time stopping my mind from running everywhere. I find that I am super focused after a work out so this year I am going to give myself an extra 30 minutes in the morning post work out to spend with the Lord. I have been reading in Haggai and Zachariah. So encouraging. I am just loving how God's character is revealed in the Old Testament. His unconditional love that He continues to pour out on His people. I hope to keep this going, even in the winter when it is still pitch black at 7am and I should've been up at least 90 minutes ago!
We are keeping all of our curriculum choices the same. I know, I know.... I said someone punch if me if I choose to do this. Well I did! BUT let me finish! I have a good reason. We decided to enroll the older three in Friday School designed especially for home schoolers. This will bring us to a 4 day per week home school day in our home, then the kiddos will go to their school for Art, PE, and Music. We are very excited to add this!
Last year I ran our day like a crazy woman shoving academics endlessly down the throats of my poor children. They were sad. I was sad, and crazy... very crazy. About 1/2 through the year I gave up on family devotions all together. I know, crazy. Sad. I started the day focused on getting through the three R's. The only mention of God was in our Christian curriculum. Again, sad. It is only by God's grace that my kids are ok. So this year? My #1 goal? Keep my kids (ahem, and MYSELF) focused on HIM. Start each day focused on HIM. Help my kids to fall more in love with Jesus, especially my boys who have both made professions of faith. I don't know how my focus got so off last year, but I am not going to let it get so off this year!
So our goals for this year are simple! Focus on God! Really, that is all.
Friday, July 19, 2013
A New Creation in Christ
Last night, Sam came down stairs and leaned against the wall by our computer desk. He has that happy smirk, the one that makes your heart sigh happiness. He said that our T-man had asked help praying to God, to ask Him to live in his heart.
Makes your heart happy, right? Even if he isn't your child? I can't help but smile as I relive the moment and seeing Sam's face of contentment. It is our deepest prayer that all of our children would KNOW Him! T-man loves life, he breathes deep and runs hard. He has a heart that humbles mine. I often joke with people that he is the reason why my marriage is rock solid because he makes Sam and I talk parenting all the time. We talk about ways to fill his love tank and ways to better discipline him and often pray for him. We have sat next to his hospital bed with tears watching him struggle to breath. We have prayed until we were so exhausted that we cried. I have pleaded with God to draw close to him at a young age, because well, T loves life. I know that if we can channel all his passion for the Lord he will do mighty things for the Kingdom! Last night was just the start, and I still feel like I am cloud 9!
He has been asking me to go on a date, just him and I, for a few weeks now. Today for lunch we snuck away from the family and left them to fend for themselves. I sat and listened to what he loves and his hopes and dreams. Then I asked him about last night and he shared with me the wonderful details. It was super sweet and told me why Jesus had to die for him. I know our time at WOL campground help to prepare him. I am so grateful!
Sweet Sweet contentment for this Momma's heart!
Makes your heart happy, right? Even if he isn't your child? I can't help but smile as I relive the moment and seeing Sam's face of contentment. It is our deepest prayer that all of our children would KNOW Him! T-man loves life, he breathes deep and runs hard. He has a heart that humbles mine. I often joke with people that he is the reason why my marriage is rock solid because he makes Sam and I talk parenting all the time. We talk about ways to fill his love tank and ways to better discipline him and often pray for him. We have sat next to his hospital bed with tears watching him struggle to breath. We have prayed until we were so exhausted that we cried. I have pleaded with God to draw close to him at a young age, because well, T loves life. I know that if we can channel all his passion for the Lord he will do mighty things for the Kingdom! Last night was just the start, and I still feel like I am cloud 9!
He has been asking me to go on a date, just him and I, for a few weeks now. Today for lunch we snuck away from the family and left them to fend for themselves. I sat and listened to what he loves and his hopes and dreams. Then I asked him about last night and he shared with me the wonderful details. It was super sweet and told me why Jesus had to die for him. I know our time at WOL campground help to prepare him. I am so grateful!
Sweet Sweet contentment for this Momma's heart!
Monday, July 15, 2013
2013 in Review
Previously I had written a review of our year. It wasn't pretty. If you have followed, you know it was a challenging year! SO, you won't be reading that post. Instead I decided to focus on some positives. And then come up with a few goals for next year. I have almost all of our curriculum for next year, and have received the packet from the school district. Next I will write up my IHIP and we will start in August!
I learned this year about truly individualized my kids schooling. My big boys are as different as night/day and cold/hot. Yet they are extremely competitive. It has been a challenge to encourage my boys to embrace the strengths even if they are different than their siblings. We have worked on memorizing Psalm 139:13-17 to understand that God made each one of us special, and in His own image.
My big lesson, never judge someone else situation until you spend a time in their shoes. I had always said, "I will never do this. My kids will never do that." It all goes out the window when you spend some time in that struggle. I have learned to show grace rather than judge. I have learned that sometimes you need to scream for help.
This year I focused way to much on academics and very little on the hearts of my children. I was driven for them to learn much so that I could proudly show off their knowledge to squish the doubt of naysayers. Sadly, I didn't focus much at all on my children's journey with Jesus. This year I will spend more time helping, especially my big boys, them fall more in love with Jesus. To learn about the character of our Almighty God. It will be what we focus on first before academics. It pains me to admit this but we didn't start every day with prayer. This year, I want to start everyday with prayer! Focused prayer time.
This upcoming year we will be using A Beka for math/phonics, AIG God's Design for science, Story of the World Vol. 2 for history, and we will be enrolling the older three kids in Friday school. There they will participate in their respective classes for art/music/PE.
We spent the last week camping at a wonderful christian campground. I prayed that God would get me excited for the upcoming school year, and He did just that! While I am apprehensive still, I can't wait to get started in August!
I learned this year about truly individualized my kids schooling. My big boys are as different as night/day and cold/hot. Yet they are extremely competitive. It has been a challenge to encourage my boys to embrace the strengths even if they are different than their siblings. We have worked on memorizing Psalm 139:13-17 to understand that God made each one of us special, and in His own image.
My big lesson, never judge someone else situation until you spend a time in their shoes. I had always said, "I will never do this. My kids will never do that." It all goes out the window when you spend some time in that struggle. I have learned to show grace rather than judge. I have learned that sometimes you need to scream for help.
This year I focused way to much on academics and very little on the hearts of my children. I was driven for them to learn much so that I could proudly show off their knowledge to squish the doubt of naysayers. Sadly, I didn't focus much at all on my children's journey with Jesus. This year I will spend more time helping, especially my big boys, them fall more in love with Jesus. To learn about the character of our Almighty God. It will be what we focus on first before academics. It pains me to admit this but we didn't start every day with prayer. This year, I want to start everyday with prayer! Focused prayer time.
This upcoming year we will be using A Beka for math/phonics, AIG God's Design for science, Story of the World Vol. 2 for history, and we will be enrolling the older three kids in Friday school. There they will participate in their respective classes for art/music/PE.
We spent the last week camping at a wonderful christian campground. I prayed that God would get me excited for the upcoming school year, and He did just that! While I am apprehensive still, I can't wait to get started in August!
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