Friday, November 9, 2012

Romans 12:1

Romans 12:1

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”

I get email updates from a sweet sweet woman who is pouring out all she has to orphans who live in Rwanda.  The heart she has for these girls almost explodes from each email she writes.  She gives all the praise and glory to God.  She gave up everything here in the US that was comfortable.  She sold or gave away all of her belongings.  She sacrificed.  And God has been richly blessing her.  And she isn’t afraid to shout it from the rooftops. 

And I felt jealous.  Sam and I have had a heart for overseas missions.  We had desired to go and serve.  God closed that door and we sat dumbfounded.  Then we began to see all the areas where we could serve, here, in our own town.  In the throws of motherhood I lost that.  I lost the vision of serving here, where I am.  I desire so much to GO, but what about serving where I am now?  What about serving now, as being a mother??  Is this not a mission field? Are these absolutely adorable children who call me MOM, not the perfect ones to reach for Christ? 

This is my calling, this is my mission.  One problem,  it is messy.   You see, they live with me and I spend every moment with them twenty four hours a day, seven days a week.  They don’t just see the great servant heart I have, but they also see the nasty sinful nature that run through every vein in my body.  I can’t just be around them when I’m feeling holy and good.  I don’t get to pick and choose what side of my life they see, they see it all.  Especially with homeschooling, they see it all.

So it is easy for me to get all testy about being vulnerable.  To get selfish, so I can hide the nastiness that courses through my veins full of sin.  I don’t know when it began, when I started to enjoy this journey of motherhood less and less.  Maybe it was when I started seeing my less than desirable habits start appearing in these darling little kiddos?  Maybe when it was becoming more and more difficult to do what I wanted to do?  Maybe it was when God called me to stay home and start homeschooling? 
Our first year of homeschooling was great.  The honeymoon period, it was lovely!  Then I started feeling like I was deserved to have more ‘me’ time.  I started seeing my kids act just like me, it would’ve been ok if it were all my positive qualities but it wasn’t.  I started feeling sad.  Sad about everything.  I started feeling the panic of missing a moment with my kids, trying to document everything.  It is such a vicious cycle! 

And then God brought me to a group of women who are just so passionate about God and their calling to motherhood.  Every meeting they open up their hearts and share about their short coming and struggles and we weep together.  Then, we come along side each other and encourage each other.  It was through these women that I was reminded of my calling.  My calling of mothering my children.  Sure, I have had this thought before.  Yes, it has been the desire of my heart for years.  But it wasn’t till this group that I saw it lived out, and real! The real struggle between our own sinful, selfish, desires and the desire to pour all we have on raising our kids.  

I read this verse in Romans, and realized that this isn’t just about me pouring my life on to a mission field in some foreign country but it was about me pouring my life into what I have here, IN MY OWN HOME!  Praise GOD!  I am focusing on my body being a living sacrifice right here in my own home!  Practicing worship, every sing day, every single moment! It is about dying to myself, daily.  I may not have to get on a plane to sacrifice.  That would be easy.  But what about giving up my shower (like today!)?  What about giving up running? What about giving up my ‘me’ time?  I can’t look at these sacrifices with a sad heart, or worse.  I have to look at them as an act of worship, and God wants us to worship joyfully!  And He wants us to worship with our whole heart. 

So dear Mother, will you answer the call?  Will you choose to worship the Lord in your home?  Will you choose to see your home as the mission field God has called you to?  Will you offer your body as a living sacrifice?  It isn’t easy.  But I promise you, if we would follow God will for our lives as Momma, God will bless us!