This won't be your normal transformation post. You know, the one where I have lost x number of pounds. Instead, I have gained 15 pounds and so much more than just a number. My heart aches when I hear someone say, "If I could only lose x more pounds."
I posted this back in August when I was heading to the doctors. I shared my fear in the scale. At that appointment they found a cyst in my breast, so now I go in every 6 months for what I call a "boob check." A thing a like a lump in your boob doesn't come lightly when your Momma had breast cancer before she was 40. So, here I am. Sitting here getting ready to go to my appointment. Knowing I have to get on the scale. And the fear creeps up. The fear of my worth being put back in that number. I haven't weighed myself in 6 months. I have worked out, lifted heavy weights, played with my kids, celebrated holidays with family, moved into our first house, had coffee and cookies with really good friends... basically I have lived life. A happy one. One rooted in Christ, living as His daughter.
This picture was taken almost 5 years ago, when I was a tad neurotic about my weight. Ok, maybe more than a tad. I kept a food journal. Logged calories. Ran. Weighed myself 3 times a day.
So this is the NOW picture. I have very few pictures of me since I'm always behind the camera. 15 pounds heavier. (give or take, since I rarely weigh myself now)
This is my before and after. While I pray every time I face this fear that God would just take it from me, He hasn't chosen to do that yet. So this is my journey.