Friday, January 16, 2015

My Transformation Pictures

This won't be your normal transformation post.  You know, the one where I have lost x number of pounds.  Instead, I have gained 15 pounds and so much more than just a number.  My heart aches when I hear someone say, "If I could only lose x more pounds."

I posted this back in August when I was heading to the doctors.  I shared my fear in the scale.  At that appointment they found a cyst in my breast, so now I go in every 6 months for what I call a "boob check."  A thing a like a lump in your boob doesn't come lightly when your Momma had breast cancer before she was 40.  So, here I am.  Sitting here getting ready to go to my appointment.  Knowing I have to get on the scale.  And the fear creeps up.  The fear of my worth being put back in that number.  I haven't weighed myself in 6 months.  I have worked out, lifted heavy weights, played with my kids, celebrated holidays with family, moved into our first house, had coffee and cookies with really good friends... basically I have lived life.  A happy one.  One rooted in Christ, living as His daughter.

This picture was taken almost 5 years ago, when I was a tad neurotic about my weight.  Ok, maybe more than a tad.  I kept a food journal.  Logged calories.  Ran.  Weighed myself 3 times a day. 
There was more wrong than my being consumed with what I weighed.  But that is a story for another time.  I am thankful for my family and friends, that loved me even when I was quite unlovable. 

So this is the NOW picture.  I have very few pictures of me since I'm always behind the camera.  15 pounds heavier.  (give or take, since I rarely weigh myself now) 

See that cake?  I ate a piece.  And guess what?  I didn't work out to negate the calories I ate.

This is my before and after.  While I pray every time I face this fear that God would just take it from me, He hasn't chosen to do that yet.  So this is my journey. 

1 comment:

Sues said...

Your honesty is SUCH A BLESSING!!! I never thought in a million years I'd end up in the *fitness* industry with Zumba (I just wanted to dance! :-P) but now that I have to talk to people about their bodies every week, I just want to scream what you have written: it's a journey, you need to give yourself grace, and you need to enjoy your life! Obviously make healthy choices overall, but EAT THE CAKE! It's not going to kill you. :-D