He says I am beautiful, and I believe him!

I always joke with Sam that we will write a book someday.  A book about marriage.  No, we aren't perfect but we have both enjoyed so much the journey.  Last night while making supper he said, "When we write our book we are going to have a chapter called, 'Believing He Thinks You Are Beautiful."  I immediately thought back to a conversation that we had a few weeks ago about how a woman we know has such confidence in her looks.

Sam's reply when I made the comment was, "Her husband tells her every day that she is beautiful.  And she believes it."

Ouch.

It is known that in recent years I have struggled with my appearance.  Never thin enough, never tone enough, and sadly, never happy enough.  God has really been calling me to a place of being content with the here and now, with all that He has provided.  One such area has been my self body image.  I have felt especially convicted of this watching my children grow and develop and not wanting to pass my insecurities on to them.  What if all they remember is me not being happy with my weight? What if all they remember is my constant talk about the number on the scale? Or how much I don't like this part of my body?  It can and will consume our lives if we let it, it is a choice to not.
 
My husband is head over heals in love with me, I can honestly say that.  He would move mountains for me.  He tells me every single day how hot I am.  He comments on my clothing and how nice I look in it.  I had pulled out some short sleeve shirts in the nice weather last week and I asked Sam how my arms looked, I was worried that the sleeves were too tight and it made my arms look bad.  He looked at me and said, "Seriously?  You are beautiful."  Then he sweetly reminded me I shouldn't be worried about that.

How many times are we told how beautiful we are by our husband and we choose to ignore it?  Sam commented last night how much better my mood (yes, commenting in dangerous territory!) was now that I believe how beautiful he knows I am.  It has totally changed how I look at myself, and it has really changed how we interact with each other.  I have been working hard on letting Sam's compliments settle in my thick brain and really live like I know that he believes I am beautiful.  Guess what?  He noticed.  And he was giddy about it, as giddy as Sam gets.

So this got me thinking about how quickly I am to turn away God's compliments that He pours on me.  How many times does God lavish love on us and we choose to dismiss it?? Choose to ignore it because we feel like we don't deserve it?  We feel like we aren't good enough. 

Ladies, it is time we claim it.  It is time I stop dismissing my husband and really believe that he think I am absolutely beautiful.  And live confidently behind it!

It is time that we stop pushing away the Heavenly Father's love for us. 
Sit back, and let Him lavish is love on us.  Because when we are able to recieve love from the Heavenly Father, we can then turn around and pour that love right back out on everyone around us.

I am not sure why, but this song has been ringing through my mind this week.  Maybe it will bless you also. 

In all I do, I honor You.

We sang "Amazing Love" this week at Church.  I was struck and felt extremely convicted singing the last two lines of the chorus,

It’s my joy to honor You,
In all I do, I honor You.

1 Corinthians 10:31 has been my 'life verse'.  I try and keep this verse in focus when I begin to feel frazzled (which is, unfortunately, all to often!!).  I want to honor God in all I do!  It is truly my hearts desire.  However, I do fail at it often.

1 Corinthians 10:31

 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

So, Sunday...  We had a pretty rough homeschooling week.  Lots of tears, lots of "Lord, HELP ME!", lots of hugs, and maybe a little yelling.  Lots of brokenness covered with lots of grace and forgiveness.  I was feeling particularly stinky after our week, if you remember my raw honest post on home schooling last week.   God laid it on my heart that I had not been honoring Him in my raw emotional post on homeschooling.  I am choosing to keep it up rather than deleting, because it is real.  It is how I was feeling, and I have to believe that I am NOT the only Momma out there that has ever felt this way homeschooling their precious babies.  

Is homeschooling hard?  You betcha!  Can I still honor God in the midst?  Absolutely.  Will it be hard?  Yes.  I am a firm believer that you have to be pushed out of your comfort zone to truly rely on the Lord for your strength.  And for the last 6 months I have been desperately trying to do it myself.  I have failed miserably.  Parenting is tough enough and then when you add education into the mix, it reaches a whole new level.  

Humbly, I apologize for not honoring the Lord.  I am blessed to be able to have the option of homeschooling and for that I praise God.    I am also so thankful that we serve a Living God who is always working in our hearts to mold it to become more like Him!!

Do you like it? Homeschooling?

I was asked recently if I liked homeschooling.

My reply?  I hate it.

There it is, all out there in the honest truth.  I hate the constant correction.  I always feel like I am yelling... "Finish that page!" "Hey! Why are you up from the table again?" "How many times have I asked you to finish that assignment???"

I want blissfully happiness in all our days.  I want my kiddos to show up to school willing and ready to work hard.  I read these blogs of totally blissful homeschooling momma's in their perfect well maintained/furnished houses with their children perfectly dressed and work so hard that their work is completed by lunch.  Bliss.  Right??? 

This week was going really well and then went down hill.  I am not sure what happened, and it wasn't the kiddos.  It was me.  I felt my feet slip into this sinking hole of despair, the kind that drives you to bed and steals every ounce of energy so getting out again isn't an option.  The same day, our school books for next year were delivered and I looked at the with tears in my eyes.  I just couldn't imagine doing this again.  It has been an exhausting, emotional year of homeschooling. 

Even though homeschooling is utterly exhausting for me, I do believe that this is what God has called us to do for our family.  This year has been a whole lot of lessons from the Lord for me.  I know I will look back and say, "Wow, I am so thankful for that year of correction."  But right now?  It hurts like...a lot.

There is joy in obedience.  And it is my prayer that all the hard work now will pay off in the long run!  I really do love being their cheerleader!