Judge if you must, but for us this is life!

I have been thinking about this post for sometime.  I have wanted to hide it, because it isn't 'normal'... whatever normal may be. Also because, unfortunately, I know this information will come with judgments being made at my husband and I.  I used to judge, and God greatly humbled me by putting real life situations in my life that made it messy.  I used to say, "Oh, my kids will never act like that!" Or, "I will do this and that, etc."  I don't say that anymore, because my kids DO act just like that!  And I do things I said I never would.  Real life.  Real shoes.  So before we stand from afar and judge, lets get down in the mess and really walk alongside someone who needs support before we stand back and only offer judgmental glances or make phone calls to others speaking judgements that we have no business saying. 

Homeschooling became more real to us when my oldest son really struggled in school.  There was a long list if things that needed to be done at home after his long school day.  Then there was the fear of my second son being labeled.  The fear of him moving into the next grade and not being able to handle it.  Little did I know then, that it would be us seeking out the 'label'.  I hope this transparency brings to light my/our struggles with homeschooling.  I am choosing to write about this rather than hide it, because there maybe another Momma out there who feels absolutely hopeless and feels like a total failure in this dance we call mothering.  You are not a failure! 

Our son, T-man, is the most caring full of life child we have ever had the privilege of meeting.  The cool part? He is ours!  He has faced trials in his short 7 years.  He knows the process for being admitted to the hospital far better than most 7 year olds.  He has had 4 hospital stays, surgery, and a medical procedure we are blocking from our memory.  He also is a struggling learner, much like his Momma.  He is also impulsive.  He also loves passionately.  He also protects his siblings with every ounce of who he is.  He is awesome.  He is very much a doer, often before he thinks things through.  He believes he can conquer the world and isn't afraid to try.  He is strong and often doesn't realize his own strength. He is so sweet and is often moved by the journal that we write back and forth. 

Last year, we had a hard year.  I haven't hid my struggles with homeschooling.  He struggled with his school work, yes....even being homeschooled!  My husband and I laid in bed awake many late nights talking about what to do next or how could handle situations differently.  The weight of T succeeding weighed heavily on my shoulders, I wanted him to experience success free of frustration and struggle.  He hated school work and we faced each day being nervous that he would hit a brick wall that would send our day spiraling downward. 

We still struggle but there is more hope in our days.  We sought help, because I couldn't stand the thought of him falling further behind.  Because I didn't want days to be surrounded with fear.  I wanted joy to re-enter our home.  So yes, something that is claimed to be fictitious if very real in our family.  ADHD.  Say what you will, judge if you must... but for us, there is nothing fake about it. 

I used to be the judge of the Momma with a tantruming toddler in the store.  I used to be the judge of parenting when a child would act out at the playground.  I used to judge judge judge...  Oh Lord, forgive me!!! Now, I have experienced judgmental glares and the whispers when I just wanted to melt on the floor in a pile of tears along with my child. I have wanted to run up to a mom in the store who was on the brink of tears herself while wrangling a child who clearly did not get the same memo on the plan and wrap my arms around her.  God has taught me much, and I pray that I learn the lesson the first time and this lesson of passing judgements doesn't need to be continually taught to this hard to teach girl.