A little fitness/weight update!

I thought I'd give it a little update on how things are going since I posted about being a skinny girl with weight struggles back in March.  I promised myself that if I worked out that I would not weigh myself.  I ran a bunch in the spring but then I had terrible pain in my feet.  I really struggled running.  I have never loved it, but I just did it because I like the alone time.  Especially in the morning when I could catch the sunrise and really have 'quiet' time with the Lord before we hit the day head on. 

So I haven't stepped on the scale since then.  I have no idea what I weigh.  I know I feel good.  I know my clothes still fit me well.

Oh, how I have wanted to step on the scale.  Just to see how I am doing, but I will not find my happiness in a number.  I will not find my self worth in a number.  

I am making changes to our families diet so I am doing a lot more label reading at the grocery store.  I am so saddened by the amount of junk in our foods. 

Looking Forward... A Year Ahead!

I am very excited about the changes we have made in our homeschooling days!  Yes, I am eager for the year to start.  We start on Monday!  Can you believe the summer is almost over??  It has been such a crazy one for us.  I will welcome routine back and at the same time mourn the end of our carefree days with Daddy home everyday. 

I have been waking up early every morning for the last two weeks preparing for early morning days that are coming!  I have committed to working out before the start of each day.  Some mornings my lovely bunch awakens in the middle of the my work out and I have an audience...which is awkward and I don't enjoy it but I don't let it stop me.  I toss them a few 1lb dumbbells and tell them to get to work too!  Yes, I am that mother!  After my work out I brew an awesome cup of French Vanilla coffee in my Keurig while I turn on PBS for the "baby", who really isn't much of a baby anymore.  Then I sit down for "Quiet Time" which is difficult.  I have a hard time stopping my mind from running everywhere.  I find that I am super focused after a work out so this year I am going to give myself an extra 30 minutes in the morning post work out to spend with the Lord.  I have been reading in Haggai and Zachariah.  So encouraging.  I am just loving how God's character is revealed in the Old Testament.  His unconditional love that He continues to pour out on His people.  I hope to keep this going, even in the winter when it is still pitch black at 7am and I should've been up at least 90 minutes ago!

We are keeping all of our curriculum choices the same.  I know, I know.... I said someone punch if me if I choose to do this.  Well I did! BUT let me finish! I have a good reason.  We decided to enroll the older three in Friday School designed especially for home schoolers.  This will bring us to a 4 day per week home school day in our home, then the kiddos will go to their school for Art, PE, and Music.  We are very excited to add this! 

Last year I ran our day like a crazy woman shoving academics endlessly down the throats of my poor children.  They were sad.  I was sad, and crazy... very crazy.  About 1/2 through the year I gave up on family devotions all together.  I know, crazy. Sad.  I started the day focused on getting through the three R's.  The only mention of God was in our Christian curriculum.  Again, sad.  It is only by God's grace that my kids are ok.  So this year? My #1 goal?  Keep my kids (ahem, and MYSELF) focused on HIM.  Start each day focused on HIM.  Help my kids to fall more in love with Jesus, especially my boys who have both made professions of faith.  I don't know how my focus got so off last year, but I am not going to let it get so off this year! 

So our goals for this year are simple!  Focus on God!  Really, that is all. 

A New Creation in Christ

Last night, Sam came down stairs and leaned against the wall by our computer desk.  He has that happy smirk, the one that makes your heart sigh happiness.  He said that our T-man had asked help praying to God, to ask Him to live in his heart. 

Makes your heart happy, right?  Even if he isn't your child?  I can't help but smile as I relive the moment and seeing Sam's face of contentment.  It is our deepest prayer that all of our children would KNOW Him!  T-man loves life, he breathes deep and runs hard.  He has a heart that humbles mine.  I often joke with people that he is the reason why my marriage is rock solid because he makes Sam and I talk parenting all the time.  We talk about ways to fill his love tank and ways to better discipline him and often pray for him.  We have sat next to his hospital bed with tears watching him struggle to breath.  We have prayed until we were so exhausted that we cried.  I have pleaded with God to draw close to him at a young age, because well, T loves life.  I know that if we can channel all his passion for the Lord he will do mighty things for the Kingdom!  Last night was just the start, and I still feel like I am cloud 9!

He has been asking me to go on a date, just him and I, for a few weeks now.  Today for lunch we snuck away from the family and left them to fend for themselves.  I sat and listened to what he loves and his hopes and dreams.  Then I asked him about last night and he shared with me the wonderful details.  It was super sweet and told me why Jesus had to die for him.  I know our time at WOL campground help to prepare him.  I am so grateful!

Sweet Sweet contentment for this Momma's heart! 

2013 in Review

Previously I had written a review of our year.  It wasn't pretty.  If you have followed, you know it was a challenging year!  SO, you won't be reading that post.  Instead I decided to focus on some positives.  And then come up with a few goals for next year.  I have almost all of our curriculum for next year, and have received the packet from the school district.  Next I will write up my IHIP and we will start in August!

I learned this year about truly individualized my kids schooling.  My big boys are as different as night/day and cold/hot.  Yet they are extremely competitive.  It has been a challenge to encourage my boys to embrace the strengths even if they are different than their siblings.  We have worked on memorizing Psalm 139:13-17 to understand that God made each one of us special, and in His own image. 

My big lesson, never judge someone else situation until you spend a time in their shoes.  I had always said, "I will never do this. My kids will never do that."  It all goes out the window when you spend some time in that struggle.  I have learned to show grace rather than judge.  I have learned that sometimes you need to scream for help. 

This year I focused way to much on academics and very little on the hearts of my children.  I was driven for them to learn much so that I could proudly show off their knowledge to squish the doubt of naysayers.  Sadly, I didn't focus much at all on my children's journey with Jesus.  This year I will spend more time helping, especially my big boys, them fall more in love with Jesus.  To learn about the character of our Almighty God.  It will be what we focus on first before academics.  It pains me to admit this but we didn't start every day with prayer.  This year, I want to start everyday with prayer! Focused prayer time. 

This upcoming year we will be using A Beka for math/phonics, AIG God's Design for science, Story of the World Vol. 2 for history, and we will be enrolling the older three kids in Friday school.  There they will participate in their respective classes for art/music/PE. 

We spent the last week camping at a wonderful christian campground.  I prayed that God would get me excited for the upcoming school year, and He did just that!  While I am apprehensive still, I can't wait to get started in August!

He says I am beautiful, and I believe him!

I always joke with Sam that we will write a book someday.  A book about marriage.  No, we aren't perfect but we have both enjoyed so much the journey.  Last night while making supper he said, "When we write our book we are going to have a chapter called, 'Believing He Thinks You Are Beautiful."  I immediately thought back to a conversation that we had a few weeks ago about how a woman we know has such confidence in her looks.

Sam's reply when I made the comment was, "Her husband tells her every day that she is beautiful.  And she believes it."

Ouch.

It is known that in recent years I have struggled with my appearance.  Never thin enough, never tone enough, and sadly, never happy enough.  God has really been calling me to a place of being content with the here and now, with all that He has provided.  One such area has been my self body image.  I have felt especially convicted of this watching my children grow and develop and not wanting to pass my insecurities on to them.  What if all they remember is me not being happy with my weight? What if all they remember is my constant talk about the number on the scale? Or how much I don't like this part of my body?  It can and will consume our lives if we let it, it is a choice to not.
 
My husband is head over heals in love with me, I can honestly say that.  He would move mountains for me.  He tells me every single day how hot I am.  He comments on my clothing and how nice I look in it.  I had pulled out some short sleeve shirts in the nice weather last week and I asked Sam how my arms looked, I was worried that the sleeves were too tight and it made my arms look bad.  He looked at me and said, "Seriously?  You are beautiful."  Then he sweetly reminded me I shouldn't be worried about that.

How many times are we told how beautiful we are by our husband and we choose to ignore it?  Sam commented last night how much better my mood (yes, commenting in dangerous territory!) was now that I believe how beautiful he knows I am.  It has totally changed how I look at myself, and it has really changed how we interact with each other.  I have been working hard on letting Sam's compliments settle in my thick brain and really live like I know that he believes I am beautiful.  Guess what?  He noticed.  And he was giddy about it, as giddy as Sam gets.

So this got me thinking about how quickly I am to turn away God's compliments that He pours on me.  How many times does God lavish love on us and we choose to dismiss it?? Choose to ignore it because we feel like we don't deserve it?  We feel like we aren't good enough. 

Ladies, it is time we claim it.  It is time I stop dismissing my husband and really believe that he think I am absolutely beautiful.  And live confidently behind it!

It is time that we stop pushing away the Heavenly Father's love for us. 
Sit back, and let Him lavish is love on us.  Because when we are able to recieve love from the Heavenly Father, we can then turn around and pour that love right back out on everyone around us.

I am not sure why, but this song has been ringing through my mind this week.  Maybe it will bless you also. 

In all I do, I honor You.

We sang "Amazing Love" this week at Church.  I was struck and felt extremely convicted singing the last two lines of the chorus,

It’s my joy to honor You,
In all I do, I honor You.

1 Corinthians 10:31 has been my 'life verse'.  I try and keep this verse in focus when I begin to feel frazzled (which is, unfortunately, all to often!!).  I want to honor God in all I do!  It is truly my hearts desire.  However, I do fail at it often.

1 Corinthians 10:31

 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

So, Sunday...  We had a pretty rough homeschooling week.  Lots of tears, lots of "Lord, HELP ME!", lots of hugs, and maybe a little yelling.  Lots of brokenness covered with lots of grace and forgiveness.  I was feeling particularly stinky after our week, if you remember my raw honest post on home schooling last week.   God laid it on my heart that I had not been honoring Him in my raw emotional post on homeschooling.  I am choosing to keep it up rather than deleting, because it is real.  It is how I was feeling, and I have to believe that I am NOT the only Momma out there that has ever felt this way homeschooling their precious babies.  

Is homeschooling hard?  You betcha!  Can I still honor God in the midst?  Absolutely.  Will it be hard?  Yes.  I am a firm believer that you have to be pushed out of your comfort zone to truly rely on the Lord for your strength.  And for the last 6 months I have been desperately trying to do it myself.  I have failed miserably.  Parenting is tough enough and then when you add education into the mix, it reaches a whole new level.  

Humbly, I apologize for not honoring the Lord.  I am blessed to be able to have the option of homeschooling and for that I praise God.    I am also so thankful that we serve a Living God who is always working in our hearts to mold it to become more like Him!!

Do you like it? Homeschooling?

I was asked recently if I liked homeschooling.

My reply?  I hate it.

There it is, all out there in the honest truth.  I hate the constant correction.  I always feel like I am yelling... "Finish that page!" "Hey! Why are you up from the table again?" "How many times have I asked you to finish that assignment???"

I want blissfully happiness in all our days.  I want my kiddos to show up to school willing and ready to work hard.  I read these blogs of totally blissful homeschooling momma's in their perfect well maintained/furnished houses with their children perfectly dressed and work so hard that their work is completed by lunch.  Bliss.  Right??? 

This week was going really well and then went down hill.  I am not sure what happened, and it wasn't the kiddos.  It was me.  I felt my feet slip into this sinking hole of despair, the kind that drives you to bed and steals every ounce of energy so getting out again isn't an option.  The same day, our school books for next year were delivered and I looked at the with tears in my eyes.  I just couldn't imagine doing this again.  It has been an exhausting, emotional year of homeschooling. 

Even though homeschooling is utterly exhausting for me, I do believe that this is what God has called us to do for our family.  This year has been a whole lot of lessons from the Lord for me.  I know I will look back and say, "Wow, I am so thankful for that year of correction."  But right now?  It hurts like...a lot.

There is joy in obedience.  And it is my prayer that all the hard work now will pay off in the long run!  I really do love being their cheerleader!