Monday, September 26, 2011

Proverbs 31

Let me just start by saying, I'm not there.  Not even close.  I am not a Proverbs 31 woman.  However, I do greatly desire and aspire to be like the woman described in Proverbs 31.  I can't do this without Christ and without His Word.  You will see more posts on this long never-ending journey for me.  This is the first of many!

Proverbs 31:11-12

New King James Version (NKJV)
11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
      So he will have no lack of gain.
       12 She does him good and not evil
      All the days of her life.

I confess that I have mocked this chapter of Scripture when I felt threatened that I couldn't attain the perfection of this woman.  I confess that I stood by and watched others mock her.  This left me very heartbroken.  God convicted me of this, and showed me the Holiness of HIS WORD.  It is NOT to be mocked!

So, here I am today...An imperfect wife, mom, and woman.  I desire to bring God glory with my life and I want to have the desire to strive for holiness.  I want to surround my life with others that are striving after the same goal of holiness.  I can't do it alone, I can't do it with human help...I can only come a smidgen closer to holiness with Christ.  This is a constant yielding to Christ and what He is doing in my heart.  Always changing me, pushing me on to the goal that He has laid out for me.  I pray that I will always say at the end of the year when I reflect back "Wow! What a year of growing!"  I pray that I will still say those words as I approach my last year on this earth as I continually prepare for my heavenly home. 

God made me a girl.  A woman.  Even though I want to be different from Eve, I am just like her and I would've urged my husband to take the same bite for fruit that I knew was forbidden for me to eat.  Because of this sin, I am made to be submissive to my husband.  Deep breath, I did just write the big S word...submit.  We all hate it, why?!?!  Well, because it means we are denying ourselves the basic right (worldly right, I might add) of leadership that our flesh so desires. 

I struggled with submission early on in our marriage.  I am a head strong nothing is going to stop me I will conquer the world kinda gal.  College bound with dreams of a teaching career, so self satisfying!  Submission was never in my vocabulary.  Having not given my life to Christ until after meeting my husband, I was a young Christian with so much to learn.  I still ask him what he saw in me early on to think I was a suitable helpmeet, because I certainly wasn't on track to be a godly submissive wife.  I felt that (oh this pains me so to write now!) Sam's task in life was to make me happy, to make sure all my needs were met...until his last dying day.  I was a woman, hear me roar!  Maybe I did, but reflecting back I do not sense a servants heart.  I rarely cooked, and cleaning was nearly non-existent.  I put my needs far above his, and I would stoop to public husband bashing when I got the chance.

Then, God forced me to look at Proverbs 31.  I resisted.  I mocked that woman.  I mocked God's Word.  I joked with others that I was a proverbs 32 woman, because well, Proverbs 31 was not attainable.  Oh Lord, forgive me!!  There was a woman that God placed in my life who had such a thirst for the Scripture, even in her retirement, and she was not afraid to speak the truth to me.  The cold hard truth, the truth that we often run from.  She really challenged me to look at God's Word, His truths for my life.  This was an area where I really struggled, marriage and submission.  Submitting myself to the needs of someone else is always tough to do. 

There is great joy in submitting and serving my husband.  No no, I bet you are picturing Sam as this male who just sits around the house and watches while I do the housework.  Not so.  While you will never ever spy him doing dishes, you will see him folding laundry or running the vacuum cleaner.  He is a night owl, so it is always a treat when I wake up to find that he blessed me by doing a household chore for me late in the night!  We have found such joy in serving each other as we focus on Christ as the center of our marriage.  Joy in submitting.  Joy in serving.  Joy in dying to myself.  In my heart transformation in my marriage I am also having a heart transformation in my walk with Christ.  I challenge you to read through Proverbs 31.  Pray that God will open your heart, take away the bitterness that you may feel...and just find joy in serving. 

(to be continued...)

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